Meh

Meh

It’s always the exact same pattern. I meet guy, guy becomes enamored and convinces me he is crazy about me, I start to actually like him and get passed my reservations, guy deals with me for a few months and then dips. I just feel too old and tired to cycle through this routine, which is probably sad given I’m not even 30yrs old yet. Maybe I’m too exhausted in all other areas of life, but at this point I’m pretty convinced no man in the world can inspire me to attempt dating again. Continue reading Meh

That’s gonna be a no…

That’s gonna be a no…

The ultimate cockblock for me will always be someone passing on me. With the amount of men that circle in and out of my life you would think I’d be better about granting second chances. I just can’t though. To me, I can never again be attracted to somebody that passed on me. I know logically that maybe timing wasn’t right, or this or that, but I have no desire to be with someone that could let me go. It’s the biggest deal breaker, and this is unfortunate, given I can still see the good in people, and what might have been. Once the allotted time (usually 1-2 months) passes for them to come to their senses and make things right comes and goes, I’m just done. Continue reading That’s gonna be a no…

The Revolving Door

The Revolving Door

I’ve written a lot of not great things about Jerry. I handle rejection with anger because it’s the easiest for me. I’m sure anger and hatred isn’t overly healthy, but I feel it helps me get past things quicker. However, I’ve probably been a bit unfair to him. The truth is, if it hadn’t been for him I would still think nobody would accept all of my moods and chemical imbalances. He was the one that truly opened my eyes to the fact that the right person won’t try to change you or say things like “just be happy.” I know that I can only try to be the best version of me everyday, and try to fight negative thoughts. Some will certainly still bleed through, especially in my writing. For instance, I’ve written quite a bit lately that I have held back in posting to not hurt the other person involved should they read it. However, I don’t really owe him anything, and writing it down is very therapeutic for me, and that’s what I need right now. Continue reading The Revolving Door

IDFWU…but I do

IDFWU…but I do

The most recent sketchball move he made is amazing to me, because it is so insanely stupid. I had asked about his evening, and for whatever reason, that prompted him to send a barrage of pics from his “solo” dinner. He always takes live photos and because I just had a feeling, and I’m smart, I decided to click on them, and the second photo prominently featured a girl’s red-fingernail-polished hand dropping a roll back on the plate, presumably so he could take the super bro-tastic food pic. Continue reading IDFWU…but I do

I Ain’t Sorry

I Ain’t Sorry

I think as women we are so communicative, it is incredibly difficult to enact the power within silence. Whereas men, I think, respond so profoundly to effectively ignoring. It is crazy difficult to do too. In emotional moments, I think we all just want to express our point and be done with it but not saying anything can truly be the most powerful. Continue reading I Ain’t Sorry