Pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice.

Love and Radical Acceptance have both been on my mind. To the first point regarding love…I have come to believe that its definition means caring so much about someone that you want nothing but happiness for them, even when that doesn’t involve yourself.

And if it doesn’t involve yourself, the ability to practice radical acceptance is key. I can’t count the number of hours I’ve spent obsessively thinking on situations- hoping that they could be corrected. Sadly, all this is, and will be, is wasted time. Accepting that someone doesn’t want the same things you did is incredibly painful; but the obsessing over it… that is a choice to suffer.

I know it is incredibly difficult for me to not spend time retracing every little detail and trying to determine where it really went all wrong, and how I can change it in the future. The problem is, this does nothing but extend the suffering. The more I continue to think about the person the more I miss them and wish things would have ended differently.

Yet, radical acceptance tells me that there’s absolutely nothing I can do now but accept what has transpired and move forward. That’s not to say that I don’t wish it had ended differently. I would never wish myself to be ghosted by someone I thought never would. Me continuing to think on it doesn’t bring him back though. All it does is bring me closer to reaching out to someone that unequivocally sent a, “No, thanks” in a relatively heartless fashion. My pride can’t allow me to ever reach out so I am stuck in no man’s land: obsessing over it, yet paralyzed to act.

I have nothing I can do now except to remind myself that this choice was made by the other party, and I feel confident that I did my best in all of the situations given the circumstance. I opened up and cared fully and wholly while being transparent about issues I saw, present and future, and I got burned (again). Of course I would change the way I behaved in a few of those situations. However, I can do nothing to make someone else care and change their feelings, so here I sit. Wishing it would have been different, and knowing I was willing to put in the effort to make things work, and someone didn’t or couldn’t want that with me.

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