I’ve always thought that progress was linear. I feel very comfortable knowing now that there are peaks and valleys, and sometimes you have to dip down to climb back up, but it is usually a higher peak with greater knowledge. I haven’t been writing much as I have been doing more reading and introspection.

I think that was necessary as I think about how angry I was during the timeframe of some of my initial writing. Hindsight is always 20/20 I guess. I’m by no means an expert on these things but I have been thinking a lot lately on how much we delay doing things purely because we feel the timing is off. And what I have come to conclude is that now is almost always the right time. Prudence is more often cowardice.

This statement has had a profound effect on me lately. I think we can forever be bettering ourselves, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we have to stop living in order to do that. If we did so we would forever be waiting and creating dependencies on happiness.

I think about how often I have thought I need to be more perfect to find the correct romantic partner. I think my mental health (especially) will forever be a work in progress (like everyone else). And I know that I am constantly trying to better my physical appearance. I always thought of it as purely vanity. However, recently it was pointed out to me that I might try to be this pristine, unmarred prize to get the attention and praise of older men in particular. I use it as a currency for their affection and how unrealistic is that? How can you ever form a lasting relationship with someone you are trying to buy affection from?

However, I have learned so much from these encounters that have really highlighted some of my tendencies. If I had been waiting around for a better version of myself, I wouldn’t have had this experience to fall back on and come to conclusions about myself. All I can do is better myself with this knowledge moving forward and I think that’s pretty great.

Like i said, everyone is forever a work in progress, if you aren’t challenged you aren’t growing.

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