I love changing someone’s name in my phone to something along the lines of “fuck no” or “nope” or “skeeze” or something generally immature, that serves as a reminder to not touch that “ish.” The second I change the name, and set them to “do not disturb” it feels as if they are legit dead to me, and I can breathe easy. I probably go straight to scorched earth entirely too quickly, but it feels so much better not dragging it out.
Sure, the responsible and mature thing would be to view the good times positively, and feel neutral towards the offending party. It’s just not my style, though. I feel so much better, and more productive after burning that bridge, and cutting someone off for good.
I think what annoys me most about the most recent one, was the pretense that he was, “different” and “a good guy” of sorts that liked me for me. And as such, I let him in on everything, probably too much in retrospect. I wasn’t great to him, but I don’t feel I got what I deserved. I feel like nobody ever deserves to be ditched, or left hanging, and he did this to me constantly. I would do the girl thing and get mad, and then ultimately accept his reasoning for why, but I truly feel that any man that can leave you hanging more than once in the first month is a waste of time, since they are clearly fine with wasting yours.
I’m not sure if it was because of the ditching from the get-go, or the fact that I friend zoned him off the bat, because I believed him to be spoken for, but it just never felt that special. Combine all of that with a lack of intimate compatibility, and it truly should have always remained a close friendship. It sucks because I’ll never be able to have the friendship back, but I guess if I hadn’t gone down that road I might have wondered, and there’s nothing worse than a “what if?”
Ironically, the one that coined the term, “stick your dick in a light socket,” is the one I now feel this sentiment for the most. Funny how cyclical things are.