Bad Blood

I’ve made a few mistakes recently. The problem is, I know when it’s a mistake, yet I make it. I guess I figure if nothing else it will be the finale of the pseudo-friendship, or something miraculous will happen and I’ll actually end up in one of those relationships that is based on friendship. Maybe it’s just me that can go from full on friendship, to skin crawling icky-ness the moment that line is crossed and you sleep together. I believe it’s just not in my nature to build some sort of friendship, turned relationship, to complacency for a couple years. I’m much more of an all or nothing for a few weeks, to crash and burn kind of girl.

For the most part I feel pretty good about the end of these “friendships.” More often than not, they weren’t actually that supportive if the main motivator was getting it in. And once I see them for who they truly are in that moment, it’s very, very, easy to chalk that up to a, whoops, and move on.

The problem is, when you make one of these mistakes with someone you have to interact with regularly. Maybe for example, you work together. I’ve made this mistake often (much more often when I was young and dumb) and it’s the worst, because you frequently have to be in the same space as this person, but their mere presence makes your skin crawl. I thought I was too old for this kind of poor life choice… turns out, I’m not .

I think ultimately it is for the best in this case though. I was getting to a point of complacency with a job and life that wasn’t suited to my overly ambitious nature. Therefore, I have now applied to everything imaginable just to get the heck out of here. My tendency to start from scratch and pick up and run is probably a whole other topic, but it certainly keeps life exciting. If one of those opportunities presents itself,  I guess in a roundabout kind of way, this error in judgement will have had a purpose, and therefore not be a mistake.

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