Today marks one month sober, again. I wouldn’t say, “I’m never drinking again” but for now, it feels best. I originally got sober for 16 months a couple of years ago. The past six months or so I have tested the waters again.
It started out with a few glasses of wine with my ex, Allen. I was in a very odd place in life; having just moved back home, encountering a fruitless job search, and then traveling to spend time with him in the South. I thought a couple of glasses of wine with this person I trusted implicitly would be ok. Ultimately, it was absolutely fine, and the event that we were attending was one of the best nights of my life. It may have been without the wine, but I am glad I retested the waters at that moment in time and with that person. When we broke up, I was pretty devastated. Therefore, I decided sobriety would be best, to avoid overly self medicating in my sadness.
I was sober again for about a month. Then I met David. We met via Bumble on Halloween and were both interested in catching the World Series at a swanky bar. I sipped soda water while he enjoyed a cocktail. Having dated sober for over a year I felt completely comfortable with this. I believe we had one more date that was again sober on my end. For our third date, he took me to a basketball game, and I decided I wanted to enjoy a beer. Turns out, I was not as in control of my drinking as I thought. Everything was fine during the game but after, the shots occurred and I remember very little about the end of the evening. I typically avoid drinking since I have a tendency to go straight to blackout, and unfortunately that happened. We enjoyed an insanely awkward breakfast together the next morning. After that encounter, I decided it would be best for me to be sober again so even during our future dates he had wine and I had soda water.
That relationship fizzled. Mainly due to the holidays, and him being a sketch ball. He displayed the classic symptoms of being attached and/or married (i.e. going dark whenever he was not in town, misspelling my name- indicating it was not saved, and lack of social media presence). I also began dating Bryan around the same time.
Bryan was very much of the “work hard, play hard” variety. He might have been just what I needed to not take myself so seriously. He was just completely fun. Probably too much fun, and that was unsustainable, but my ambitions to not drink were squashed with him. He took me to Vegas a week into dating if that gives any indication of how much fun the whole situation was. Ultimately when he and I broke up I drank a bit, especially on the Super Bowl, which led to a mistake I’m sure I’ll describe soon. After that, I came back to the realization that it is usually better for me to just not.
My recommendation is to get to know somebody for the first few times without the influence of alcohol, and then determine if they actually have a personality you’re into sans booze.