Stick your d*ck in a light socket…


I get the impression you’re not the type of girl to sugar coat anything. – Recent Bumble Date

Having long been told I needed to write a memoir, mini series, or column I have decided to candidly and hopefully hilariously, tell the tale of being a late 20s female trying to navigate the murky waters of… what do we even call it, dating? My love life is pretty tandem to a “Madden Curse” at this point, right when it gets to the point of posting couple pics to the ‘gram, it usually is coming to an end. Which is unfortunate because then you have to take basic pics of your coffee and sunsets to water down your social media feed.

Keeping that in mind, I wanted to write what I have found to be real when it comes to modern dating. I think my tendency to “do it for the story” has led to maybe a few more adventures/misadventures than most, but I also find that I attract an exceptional amount of douchebags. I would say that “my type” is an unfortunate one, in that they usually have to be a bit arrogant, smooth talkers/salesmen types, and usually 15-20 years older than myself (mid life crisis territory).

At the moment, I am trying to break the dating cycle. I’m only two days in, but I am optimistic that my current apathy will help put a pause on the revolving door of dates willing to give you attention just long enough for that person to make it to the “do not disturb” toggle on your phone. Therefore, at this moment, my current mood towards dating and men is one of: stick your dick in a light socket, do whatever you wanna do, IDGAF. Literally zero were given that day, and that day is today.

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